Happy is the Heart that still feels Pain, Darkness strains and Light will come again

Before I begin, I would just like to say that this is my view on this shit, not Weiying's, Jared's, Clement's or Ridhwan's.

The following text is Felicia's post dated 21 Nov about the shit in Genting. Along with the post I will insert my rebuttals to what she has to say, coz I think it'd be much more convenient to say it here rather than tag.

(Everything in RED is whatever I have to say.)

Okay. I've had enough of all this. Friends tell me to not care anymore, and just give up. (They are your friends, obviously they would try to console you, why not try asking my friends too?) Adults told me to give it some time. Follow someone's advice, or my heart? No one's helping me. (Helping you do what? What is there that needs helping? You wanna win this argument and be right isit? If you want us to tell you you're right, or you win, then just say so, we'd be glad to say it to you.)

I'm sick and tired of being the nice friend around, when no one treats me the same way as I treat them. I try to think in your position, and try to reason everything out. But what do I get? Accusations. (Am I not wrong for accusing you of eavesdropping? Anybody in the right mind would know that if someone doesn't greet you when you answer a call, then it would not be something you should be hearing? Whether the phone rang or not, YOU EAVESDROPPED, LIVE WITH IT.) Fights. Quarrels. People talking behind my back. Is it fair? I ask you. Is it fair? I want you guys to know, after everything that happened, at this very moment, I still have faith in each one of you, alright? (You really sure about this?) I do not hate you guys. I've already forgiven ya'll long ago. (Wow, you've forgiven us? We didn't even acknowledge our faults yet. If you've forgiven us then why still talk about it here huh? What about "FORGIVE AND FORGET"?) Now, I'm just getting all of you to listen to my side of the story. 'Cos it's only fair to do so. (Yeah now I know why you still talked about it.)

Note: I'm alone in this. Abi's not included 'cos she doesn't want to care anymore. And the reason why I blogged about this here today, is not because I want the whole world to know. It's because I want to talk to you guys, but I know you guys won't agree to meet up with me. So, since all of you read my blog daily, why not blog it over here? You guys will read this anyway.

I'm sorry. But you guys made me do this. I've no other choice. (Oh really? Maybe before you blog next time, you could choose between 2 options: "Blog about it" or "Not blog about it". We did not force you to blog about it.)

Here's MY side of the story.

So, on Thursday morning, Abi, Aaron and I couldn't find you guys. Being friends, we were worried. (Well, usually in the mornings, people would eat breakfast. If you were worried about us MIA, then maybe your could have notified the teachers first?) So, we went up to your rooms to find you guys. Clement&Bert's, Siuyen&Ridhwan's. We went knocking, calling, and all. We decided to go back to the restaurant to find you guys. We found you guys, we were relieved. (If I'm not wrong) Ridhwan and Siuyen sort of acknowledged our presence, (We did.) and Abi Aaron and I told Ridhwan and Siuyen that we went up to your rooms etc etc etc. You guys did not really respond, and you guys left walking among yourselves.

We (Abi, Aaron and I) were puzzled. Like, after all that, you guys just walked off? Weird. Then it struck me. Maybe Siuyen wanted to spend guy-time with all the guys, that's why he left. But then again, we asked ourselves, why didn't he tell us. 'Cos we were asking ourselves, if Bertrand could tell Abi and I beforehand that he wanted to spend time with his seniors, why couldn't Siuyen do the same thing? (Because Bertrand and I think differently.) Abi was pissed, I was hurt/ disappointed. We decided to go on our own. (Actually, you followed us around for a bit, your wanted to come with us. Your did not decide straight away to not follow us. And did we say you couldn't follow us? Maybe your just thought the worst that we did not want your around? maybe we did want your to follow? I guess its too late to rethink that right?)

After much pondering, I decided to call Siuyen and talk to him about this matter. We were in our rooms. I called Siuyen's room, none picked up. I called Bertrand's, he picked up. He passed the phone to Siuyen. I told Siuyen that I had nothing against him (which was true) (You were hurt by my actions, so obviously you would be against me hurting you.) but I was just hurt by what he did, 'cos it doesn't kill for one to tell his friends beforehand about their plans what. (Yes, it doesn't kill. It also doesn't kill to not know of other's plans.) At least we know. Then, Siuyen apologised reluctantly, and he was pissed. I hung up by slamming the phone down, and I think Siuyen did the same thing. (Yes, I did slam it, and I didn't press Redial for crying out loud. Only callers you press redial.)

Seconds later, MY phone rang. I had no clue what was going on. But being human, I picked it up. Duh, anyone would. The next thing I knew, I heard Clement, Jared, Bertrand, Siuyen talking. Talking about? Talking about Abi and I, duh. (No one greeted you right? THATS MEANS WE DIDN'T CALL YOU. And it also means that whatever we were talking about was PRIVATE, NOT FOR YOU TO HEAR.) I heard everything. I don't wanna disclose it over here. (Wow, you've said so much alr, why not just spill huh? Afraid it may embarrass yourself?) But just want to let you guys know: I effing heard everything you guys said, okay? (Yeah! I sorta figured that out after you said "I heard everything.") So don't pretend I've no clue or I'm dilusional or whatever.

I was jaw-dropped. I started shivering. By the time I hung up, Abi was crying on her bed. I went to Weiying's room, told Weiying and HuiMin what happened. Weiying told me she'll help talk to you guys, but I didn't want her to be part of it, so I told her, I'll do most of the talking if necessary. (You did not even approach us to talk!) Abi and I sat away from all of the guys during dinner, so we had no idea what Weiying did.

You guys ignored us all the way till Singapore. Last night, I spoke to Siuyen.

According to him, he's pissed at because:
1. He's pissed at me for eavesdropping.
2. Abi called him a bastard. (I know now that she said that in a moment of anger, and we've forgiven each other alr.)
3. He doesn't see why he had to tell us his plans for that day. (I'm not angry because of the fact that I couldn't see why I had to tell your my plans, I am angry because your expect me to tell your my plans, I didn't think it was necessary, and I also thought that maybe your could have figured out my plans yourselves.)

K. Siuyen, you know what I said to you, so I don't have to explain our conversation here. But just to make it clearer for ALL OF YOU... (Why don't you just cut and paste? I really wouldn't mind you know, since I know its true.)

My phone did ring after Siuyen hung up. I've no idea how that happened, but I'm not lying. (I didn't accuse you of lying, and I would have no idea why you would be lying if I thought you were. I JUST DO NOT BELIEVE THAT THE PHONE RANG OKAY?) It did ring. Think about it. Siuyen didn't put the phone properly (That's probably what happened, first time I slammed a phone you see, SORRY LAH.) , so if you guys think I called again, I could not have gotten through your line. Come on. Now, you're blaming me for hearing what you guys have to say? Okay, maybe I was wrong for doing that. (YES YOU ARE WRONG. Since when was eavesdropping correct? or right?) But in the first place, isn't it wrong for you guys to talk behind our backs? (We were merely discussing our views on what your said, we did not talk bad about your merely for the fun of it.) Siuyen told me he would've not listened to the conversation 'cos he had the integrity to do so. (Yeah, I would have thought it would be a wrong call, or some error.) I tell you what. The first thing I thought of was that you guys purposely called me again, so that I could hear what you guys were saying. (Come on, we aren't stupid, but then again, it was a good way of letting you know how we feel.) But after a while, I realised Siuyen did not put the phone properly. And that's why I heard. Okay? It was because I thought you guys did it intentionally.

Siuyen tweeted today:
"I'm sick and tired of people who get angry over trivial matters and think that their always right."

FYI. I do not think I'm right all the time, okay? Do you know that I was the only one who tried to put myself into your shoes. Like, I tried to convince Abi that you had some reason for not telling us beforehand, but we did not know why. I still had faith in you. Sorry for disgressing. But here's what I want to say. Aren't you guys behaving that way now? Like, you guys think you're right? Come on. (WHEN DID WE SAY WE'RE RIGHT? WHEN? TELL ME?) You know, most of my friends (Your friends again? Why ot ask someone neutral next time? Obviously your friends would be supportive of your actions, HELLO?) who AREN'T in choir whom I asked, think that it's wrong in the first place for you guys to talk about us behind our backs. (Come one lah, everyone does that, no one knows unless they EAVESDROP.) I know everyone talks behind people's backs, but true friends don't. (Yeah, so maybe we aren't "true friends") I don't recall Abi and I bitching about you, Siuyen. (I wouldn't care if your were bitching about me. I really wouldn't. I believe bitching would allow an individual to get everything out and reconsider or rethink the situations at hand.) If you had done anything wrong, we always told you.

And why can't you believe me when I said my phone rang? I don't know why you can't. (I just cannot, it goes against common sense and technology for the phone to ring randomly.) The phone really did ring. Why would I lie? And like I said, I thought you guys wanted me to hear what you guys wanted to say, that's why maybe you guys called again. (It doesn't make any sense) But you're like blaming us for eavesdropping when you did the wrong thing in the first place. -_- Wth. (OH! So if someone does wrong, they cannot accuse others of doing wrong too? OMG WHERE'S THIS LAW WRITTEN? So what if we did wrong, you did wrong too, YOU EAVESDROPPED, ITS A FACT.)

You always tell us to put ourselves in other people's shoes. Why aren't you doing that now? Imagine IF you heard your friends talking bad about you behind your back, and then they blame you for eavesdropping when all you did was pick up a call. How would you feel? (I would try to forget it, coz, as I said above, bitching may help.)

Just know that I was never pissed with you. I was just hurt and disappointed by your actions.

Bertrand's tweet today:
"I'm sick and tired of people who are dillusional and can't get a clue. I'm also sick and tired of people who constanty think that their right when obviously they are not. Constant rebutting isn't going to get these people anywhere because it just pisses the other party off."

Just read what I said to Siuyen. And FYI, I know I'm not your mother. Okay? None of my friends need to tell me whenever they need to eat, shower, or sleep. I know that. It's just basic courtesy for a friend to tell us beforehand about their plans, so we know. (Yeah, so maybe we're not as courteous as you.) Okay? Even Abi and I liked it when you told us beforehand that you were planning to hang out with the seniors. So I don't see why you're so effing pissed at me until you said that about me. I heard everything you said, Bertrand. Don't assume I didn't. And I may seem dillusional, and I may seem to not get a clue. But just FYI, Abi and I spent the last night together trying to think of the reasons why you guys were pissed with us but we had no clue. No clue at all. (You really cannot think of anything you've done that may irritate others?)

Alright. I get it. It's because we don't know why you guys are pissed with us, that's why you guys think that Abi and I always think we're right? Is that it?

What the fuck am I talking about over here. (You're talking about your thoughts in Genting during the shit.)

And Weiying, I'm not weird. Neither is Abi. (Everyone is weird in different ways.) You agreed with me that if you were me, you would've heard the conversation. I don't know what you're doing now la. Maybe I was too gullible to have trusted you.

Y'know what.

After all that typing, I don't know whether this will benefit us. Will this make the matter worse? Will this attract more hatred? Will this piss you guys even more? I don't know. (The answer is: Yes.)

What I'm doing is letting everything out, and since I know you guys read my blog everyday, why not you guys read it from over here, since you guys don't wanna talk to us.

You know what. To Weiying, Clement, Bertrand, Siuyen, Jared.
If you don't like something about me, tell me. Okay? (I have nothing against you as a person, I am only angry and disapproving of your actions. YOUR ACTIONS, NOT OF YOU.) I only know what I know until here. If there's anything more, just speak. I don't care how much it hurts, but as long as I know. You guys complain about how I behave during choir, but in what way have I behaved till it pissed you guys off? (Separate matter.) I clearly do not suck up to our conductor, it doesn't do me good anyway. My goal in choir isn't to have a higher post in the choir. It's just a post, nothing more nothing less. I just don't see why you guys refuse to tell us about what you guys think is wrong in my behaviour. It's me. You can't expect me to change who I am. And Clement, you told me that you guys are willing to forgive me, if I change. How the hell am I gonna change when I don't even know what I did wrong? -_- I'm like thinking, I know what I've done isn't right. But what? What have I done?

This will be the last time I'll talk about this ever again.
I'm sick of crying while telling people this whole story. I was and am crying as I type this.

I'm giving us a long time to just cool off from this whole issue.

But what I'm asking from you guys is:
Can we just work together in peace, just for the choir? (I am alr separating choir and personal stuff.) It's only right to do so. And hey, if you guys don't like any part of the farewell party, just tell me. If you guys can think of a nicer name for the party, tell me la. You think it's easy? It isn't. You guys didn't even offer help and you guys are just behind my back insulting the name I came up with for the night. -_- (They aren't in the Farewell party comm.)

And if you guys refuse to work together with Abi and I just for choir matters. I'm sorry, but I'll have to speak to someone else about it. (Mdm Goo right?) As hard as it can get, I'm willing to just work together for the choir, nothing else. Like I said, it's only right to do so.

There, everything that happened. For the last time.

There, what I have to say. Its so much clearer this way.